Can’t See Her Cry

She’s grateful
her kids are away
at their dad’s
for the weekend
she likes quiet
when she’s thinking
she doesn’t miss
the boiler’s hum
she wraps up
warm under
two layers of clothing
waning woollen sleeves
try to keep
the cold at bay
saving the £2.31
that’s left
of the emergency fiver
on the electric meter
she’ll dine well
she lies to herself
calling her
Chicken & Mushroom Pot Noodle
a takeaway
technically
it’s a withdrawal
from the food bank
she used to make deposits into
her account there
now in negative balance
the only levelling up
she ever witnesses
is the poverty
and the ‘isms’
fuelled by the rich
to stoke fires
in the poor.

She’s grateful
her kids are away
so they can’t see her cry.

Parisian Lessons

It’s easy to get lost
in the romance of Paris
in the mystique of Paris
you can taste it
the aroma of sweet spice
and lingering vanilla tobacco
you can hear it
seductively whispering
notes of music
and conversations
from streetside cafes
you can see it
in the architecture
both masculine and feminine
lustily snapped by tourists
as evidence
that for a brief interlude
they were part
of the city of love
but
I’ll never be that naive
because – Paris
– will always be
a den of wolves
in designer clothing
to me.

Aged 8 dawdling
with small feet struggling
on a cobbled urban jungle
a metre behind my parents
– my protectors –
when the city tried to tear me away
a candy-striped shirt Monsieur
in dirty grey-white trousers
that matched his coiffed hair
the strength
of his rancid breath
more powerful than his tanned arms
silent screams
searing my lungs
survival instincts kicked in
a case of
fight then flight
catching up with my father
fury igniting his face
powering his legs
as he tried to chase
the man down
like a lion
whose pride had been attacked
but wolves are cowards
and hide until it’s safe to attack again.

A couple of life lessons learned.
Aged 8.
Early for some
Too late for others.

Paris is only romantic in print.
You only see what they want you to see.

Wolves don’t scare me.
Face your fears.
Cowards retreat in the face of confrontation.

I have a lion’s blood.
Family is everything.

Hope

I long for the day
when the apricot sunrise
looks at the world
and feels only pleasure
rather than pity.

I await the evening
when the blushing sunset
kisses the world
feeling satisfied
in place of sorrow.

I hope for the night
when the moon
illuminates our souls
the glow melting
her morose melancholy
so she can experience
the true warmth of love.

Shared Rhythms

I pressed my heart to the ground
Then my palms
Then my ears
And lay listening to the earth
Feeling a shared rhythm
It wasn’t a rapturous beat
But a slow swaying pulse
I was enchanted in that moment
For a brief eternity
Feeling close
Feeling connected
And the world was whispering words of love
While holding my hand
But the sun grew jealous
So tore us apart
With ferocious tears
And hot spiteful breath.

The last thing the earth felt
Was my palms turning to fists
Pushing myself away.